Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! Take me to your leader! All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school! Tell them I hate them. One hundred dollars.
A Flight to Remember
No argument here. Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! Your best is an idiot! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? It’s okay, Bender. I like cooking too.
- And then the battle’s not so bad?
- Oh God, what have I done?
Love’s Labors Lost in Space
Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! Anyone who laughs is a communist! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Professor, make a woman out of me.
Space Pilot 3000
But I’ve never been to the moon! For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it?
- Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry’s worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.
- No argument here.
- Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk!
Fear of a Bot Planet
Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Why would a robot need to drink? You’re going to do his laundry? Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.
A Fishful of Dollars
I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo. Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Who are you, my warranty?!
Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? Meh. Why would a robot need to drink?
I love you, buddy! Noooooo! Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them? Belligerent and numerous. Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. That’s a popular name today. Little “e”, big “B”?
Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk! Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. Dear God, they’ll be killed on our doorstep! And there’s no trash pickup until January 3rd. When will that be?
Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually? I wish! It’s a nickel. It’s toe-tappingly tragic! Throw her in the brig.
Your best is an idiot! Why not indeed! In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells. Oh no! The professor will hit me! But if Zoidberg ‘fixes’ it… then perhaps gifts! Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk!
Negative, bossy meat creature! I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later. Guess again. Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I’m still single? It’s ’cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans! A true inspiration for the children. Oh God, what have I done?
Take me to your leader! Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat.
I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems.
And then the battle’s not so bad? Tell them I hate them. Yeah, lots of people did. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry’s worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.
It’s toe-tappingly tragic! There’s one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain! You don’t know how to do any of those. Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! Alright, let’s mafia things up a bit. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere?
For example, if you killed your grandfather, you’d cease to exist! I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny! Bender, we’re trying our best. You can see how I lived before I met you.
You’re going to do his laundry? You’ll have all the Slurm you can drink when you’re partying with Slurms McKenzie! Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? I never loved you. You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal!
Kids have names? You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing. Isn’t it true that you have been paid for your testimony?
Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence? Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”. With gusto. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of ‘will’?